You're more than entitled

In the book of Exodus, chapter twenty, the seventh commandment is:

“You shall not steal”

It is wrong to take what is not ours, and it is an injustice to have something taken from us which rightfully belongs to us.

When I started reading newspapers aged around eleven I was horrified by inequality and poverty and often had deep feelings of guilt about being from a wealthy part of the world. Mum always said I had the guilt of a Catholic. Thank God, I now have the forgiveness to clean up the guilt.

I felt similarly about more abstract privileges, like having a loving family, or access to free healthcare. I often felt for people who didn’t have the good things which I did have, but I also felt bad about myself because of this.

The seventh commandment helps us love others, and as I said in my previous Blog post, wisdom says we are to love others as we love ourselves.

So, feeling bad in this way couldn’t lead to a greater love and service of others. Though I had hit on an important, God-given inspiration by recognising that inequality which causes unnecessary suffering is unfair.

In January 2014 I was sitting by a river in Australia reflecting on entitlement. Somebody had said to me that the root of anger was often a sense of entitlement. I was considering this and could see that often people become angry because they feel they have been deprived of something they are entitled to. It is that same injustice that we experience when something is stolen.

Me by a river in Townsville, Australia in 2014 in the weeks after I first saw God.

Away with the clenched fist!

At that time, I considered myself to be a worthless burden. I did not feel particularly entitled to a lot and thought the world would be better off without me.

Yet there were certain privileges which I assumed all people should have, and this was in part why I felt so guilty about inequality in the world. At twenty-three I felt as strongly as I did at eleven, that I did not deserve good things if some people are deprived of them.

In part my conscience was rationally responding to inequality, but this did not lead to good action for me. When I had done voluntary work in the past I felt disempowered and depressed afterwards.

I often left voluntary posts feeling more despair, because even if we were doing some small good, it never seemed to address the deep inequality and injustice that some lives are far more comfortable and privileged than others. The people were still suffering.

I believed I didn’t deserve a better chance in life than anybody else and couldn’t reconcile that even though I had better chances in some respects, I still managed to fail at everything, which led to me feeling even more worthless.

Even when I wasn’t ruminating on negative thoughts, I ultimately believed deep down that I was worthless, that life was hopeless, and inequality an insurmountable problem. It felt as though I lived a life of staving off inevitable despair with moments of happiness and lies of false hope which never proved fruitful, and clearly didn’t apply to everyone.
Simply avoiding these thoughts to vacuously go about life keeping fit or saying positive affirmations wasn't going to resolve these deeply painful beliefs.

My speculations by the Ross River ended suddenly and ultimately quite mysteriously.
I’d love to give a neat, analytical conclusion to my ruminations on the bench, but I can’t. I concluded that nobody is entitled to anything and- scales fell from my eyes- I suddenly saw God! In the river, the trees, and the light around me.
All of the natural world became alive in a new way- I could see a creator in the creation! I had a numinous experience.

I felt a kind of deep peace, which I had never experienced before because of this revelation that God exists.

I wasn't experiencing deep despair at the moment I had the revelation, I was sitting thoughtfully by a river. Though I had often experienced life-threatening despair when I was depressed previously.
It was not as though I needed to believe in God at that moment for any anthropological reason to find a reason to live. I did not deceive myself into believing something for an emotional leg-up, I realised God actually exists.

What liberation! I was finally free- I was not entitled to anything, and neither was anybody else. That meant I was not responsible for what other people don’t have! I could finally forgive myself for the good things I have and accept them with gratitude.

The revelation of God’s existence didn’t turn me immediately into a Christian- you must be having a laugh- This was 26 months before my baptism and I had a way to go before I knew God well enough to be baptised.

I could finally pursue and know the truth- God- and stop stumbling, trying to understand the world with empty philosophies or trying to heal myself through exhausting efforts and lifestyle changes.

The ultimate problem with what I believed in that moment of revelation- that nobody is entitled to anything- is that it is not entirely true. So, although that feeling of liberation because I was no longer burdened by guilt was quite a relief, the good and enduring truth which has stayed with me and gives me hope, worth and purpose is the thing that followed (my wrong analytical conclusion about entitlement) ... the true liberation and peace came from the realisation that God exists. 

Which is something God just decided to give me, nothing to do with the analysis.

People are entitled to things. Even if you think that people aren’t entitled to material things, most people will concede that people are entitled to other things.

For example- people are entitled to physical autonomy because if they aren’t then things like sexual abuse and murder aren’t wrong.

People are entitled to food and medicine or they die and suffer unnecessarily.

We could even say people are entitled to things like kindness or basic respect because if not then we would not have happy relationships and would ultimately destroy each other through hatred.

The angry response when we see deprivation can be frustration about genuine injustice, it is not necessarily the angry entitlement people feel because they have a silver spoon in their mouth.

It is wrong that there is inequality in our world, it is unjust when people are deprived of necessary things like food, medical care or safety through no fault of their own. It is wrong when people have anything which they are entitled to taken from them... even non-essential things.

Now I am a Christian my sense of self worth comes from knowing all people are made in the image of God, and life is sacred. It is not in my success or how others see me that gives value to my life, or I would be as depressed as ever. I'd love to help the poor through my work and produce my own litany of Saints through a happy family home but I haven't managed it yet.

Knowing Jesus already saved the world, so I don’t have to, is quite a relief. I don't just ignore the suffering world, I do what I reasonably can and I especially ensure I pray as much as I can for others, especially anybody I know in need.

God gives me hope, His promises are for this life and beyond. I know certainly that I have self-worth and a purpose even when I could make a good case that I don't based only on materialistic reasoning.

How does this have anything to do with stealing?

To have what is rightfully ours taken from us is an injustice.

In the Gospel of John, chapter ten, verse ten, Jesus says:

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

What does Jesus mean by the fullness of life? Do we have the fullness of life? If we don't are we being deprived of life? What has deprived us of life?

All my life I really wanted to do a job where I help people- journalist, lawyer, occupational therapist, carer… whatever. As long as I helped others. I also wanted to have my own family.

At the age of thirty I find I have nothing and I've been exhausted by the efforts of my life. I didn’t even get a degree which was like a rite of passage for most people of my generation. I’ve done about thirty jobs, none of which particularly helped anybody and haven't even kissed or dated a man for eight years which I think isn't how you make babies.

Yet I don’t feel I lack anything, I believe, in my nothingness, that I have the fullness of life. It would be nice to be less of a failure, and to do better in the world but if I found out I was dying tomorrow I’d be quite happy to go to God, unaccomplished, as it were.

I am not now deprived of the one good we are all entitled to first and foremost- God. In God we have all that we are really entitled to. You see it in the poor when you know them personally, rather than pitying them from afar. Seeing the faith and joy of the poor in the midst of grief and deprivation is inspiring and strangely life-giving. From our ivory palaces we can wrongly think that the privilege of riches is better than the simple goodness of faith, hope and love.

What deprivation I didn’t see in my life growing up. For years I lived without hope, self-worth or  a purpose in life. Yet we are entitled to hope and peace, and to recognise our true worth.

As far as I can tell I was deprived of these things initially by ideas, because they kept me from knowing God and avoiding sin.

My wrong beliefs about life, the world and myself prevented me from seeing the goodness of life in a deeper way. Without God the goodness of life is so shallow because creation is as temporary as a Spring flower. It comes and goes so quickly and it's goodness is soon forgotten. I could hope in the things of the world only for so long, or to a certain extent, before the ultimate existential meaningless led me back to despair.

Earlier in John’s Gospel, Jesus says

“All who have come before me are thieves and robbers… I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved.”

All the ideas, theories, analysis, etc. of the world that came before Jesus to sell me a meaningful life proved untrue or, at best, limited. The false hope these ideas offered robbed me of what could have been mine if I had known the truth.

The way I ensure I am not deprived of the good things of God anymore is by taking what Jesus offers all of us- and that is salvation.

I accept God by going to Him in prayer and by turning from my wrong beliefs and behaviour, because of my faith in Him. I know He is real and I trust He is good.

In order to open my hands to receive my inheritance from God I still have to let go of what keeps me from Him. This is very painful at times, if I can't see God's goodness somewhere it's usually because I'm holding on to something which I think is good or true but isn't.

If I find I have an opinion that is depriving me of some good thing I know God wants then I give that opinion to God, often this has meant I let go of something completely.

This relationship with God is how I am able to have nothing and still have the fullness of life. I appreciate the good things of the world like work and family but don’t need them to be fulfilled. I accept from God the life He has given me, the difficulties He has allowed in my life, including all my failures and shortcomings.

I trust Him with all the needy people I seem incapable of assisting personally, and pray for them wholeheartedly, knowing that God loves them and hears my prayers for them. Knowing that He is just, even when the world is not. Knowing that nothing is wasted if we give it to Him.

One of my least favourite expressions is “I’m entitled to my opinion” it is often said belligerently and is a reason blocker in a conversation.

I get frustrated when I can see someone holds an opinion which keeps them from God.

It is the worst deprivation I can think of- it is the most despicable theft to be deprived of eternal happiness for the sake of an opinion. Usually some odious justification for sin which was pooed out of the bowels of Hell to make souls precious to God too stinky for Sainthood.

Yes, we are entitled to hold and share our opinions in this society, at this time.

Maybe you’re like me. You might find as you let go of the opinions that keep you from God that you are entitled to more than an opinion. The God I know says we’re entitled to everlasting joy, hope and love, starting right now by having a personal friendship with Him.

I let go of bitter sarcasm, mistrust, sexual depravity, addictions and despair for that?

I will not allow myself to be deprived of the Heavenly fortune by the thief who seeks only to kill and destroy. I’m taking my inheritance now and going to the Heavenly banquet and getting a Princess crown when I meet my King. Nothing else will do.

May the reader be sure I will not deprive you of prayer tonight, as I kneel to say goodnight to God I will say one for you too.

Let God bless you! He wants to.