In my first
Blog post I explained that seeking understanding and truth became seeking a
person- Jesus.
It’s a bit
abstract to seek someone who cannot be seen or spoken to like the people we
encounter daily. How did my search for understanding and truth become a search
for Jesus? The full answer would be too long for one Blog post so I want to
focus on one thing.
There have
been certain moments in my life when my relationship with God has shifted, and this
has always changed my understanding of life and of myself.
I want to mention
one of these moments to explain how some of the “popular piety” of the Catholic
faith helps me to better understand who Jesus is.
I chose this
today because we honour the Mother of Jesus on Saturdays in the Catholic Church, and tomorrow in the English Catholic Church, we are being rededicated to the
Virgin Mary as her Dowry; you can read more about that here:
On 10th May 2016 I went to Sunday Mass for the
first time, when I was on an exciting adventure to find “The True Church of
Jesus Christ”. I started attending regularly and was taking steps to make a more
formal commitment to life as a Christian. I was especially aware of my need for
Baptism.
My spiritual journey into God was becoming a religious
journey- into a Church.
Can you believe that? How lame and Bourgeois, to actually be
religious. Is that really necessary? I don’t believe in organised religion,
right? Much better just to be spiritual.
The problem for me was the Bible. So, because of the truth I
saw in the Bible and the sincerity of my intention, I inevitably had to grow from simply being spiritual to being religious, and so I joined RCIA- that is the Rite to Christian
Initiation- which is a programme for people to go through in order to join the Church.
During RCIA the lady who was sponsoring me into the Church, who
would technically be my Godmother because I was being baptised, gave me my
first Rosary beads. Another lady, whose Daughter-in-law was in RCIA with me,
gave me a book she had written with information on how-to-pray the Rosary and some meditations in it.
So, with my Rosary beads and Rosary manual, I started to
pray the Rosary during RCIA.
The Rosary is a set of rote prayers said, using prayer beads,
while meditating on moments from the life of Jesus Christ.
There is more information on this website-
I had been practicing mindfulness and transcendental
meditation for over a year before I decided to become a Christian so was used to focusing my attention, clearing my
mind and sitting in silence comfortably. Which helps when it comes to
persevering in anything, but especially in contemplative prayer.
My years of reading and creating did their work, because the
Rosary is a prayer which involves visualising events in your imagination, while
asking the Virgin Mary to pray with you through recitation of the ‘Hail Mary’.
Although I knew I was following Jesus, I really felt closest to
God the Father at that time. I could understand this distant Father figure better than a man
who died on a cross. It seemed very weird and violent that Jesus died in this way, strange that
he was perfect, and the son of God. I didn’t really understand, I just believed-
I believed I should be following Him, and I was trying, but was uncomfortable
because I didn’t feel I could approach or know this man Jesus whose name was a swear word and subject of ridicule for most of my life.
Charcoal sketch from a small notepad, done by me before I was a Christian.
When I pray the fifth sorrowful mystery I stand at the foot of the cross in my mind, while I ask His
Mother Mary to pray for me. I imagine this man Jesus dying on the cross and believe
His Mother prays on my behalf. She goes to the unapproachable Jesus for me when I feel I cannot.
As I prayed during RCIA, I knew that Jesus died on the cross
because of His love. I knew He did it personally for me, that He died on the
cross because of His love for me. His Mother Mary showed me, through praying
the Holy Rosary, that I can come to know the love that God has for me.
These moments of revelation, where we better know God’s love
for us (and so for all people) help to make sense of the scriptures and all the
teachings of the faith. So much more of the teaching of Jesus makes sense
because of my commitment to this set of prayers, because through meditation and the intercession of Mary I know Jesus better, and therefore can comprehend God's love more.
Praying the Rosary every day changes me. I not only
experience the love of Jesus Christ through meditating on His life, and calling
on His Mother for assistance, but I even become that loving Jesus on the cross,
being crucified out of my love for Him and the people He died for.
It is easy to understand that Jesus died out of His love for
us when we know He was all powerful, yet in spite of this still chose to go to the cross to die
for our sins, but as an unbaptised person raised by an antitheist and an
agnostic in an irreligious society that made no sense to me.
God’s love was made more real to me at the foot of the cross,
and I know that it was the Virgin Mary who made this revelation possible.
What’s more, it is an ongoing encounter. It can be so hard
to return to the foot of the cross. It is painful sometimes to think about
Jesus suffering, but it is worth suffering a little bit of discomfort to think
about His pain so that He can reveal His love for us at the cross, and heal us
of the pain we carry with us, which He only takes away when we turn to Him.
It’s painful too to know that we are responsible for His
suffering, but I can’t turn away from the one who loves me, especially knowing that He died like that for love. I must return to the cross to be transformed by His love, and when
I am reluctant to go to the cross I ask Mary and she drags me to the foot of the cross, she holds
me there, and so she is always revealing her son to me more through my
dedication to the Holy Rosary.
I hope that you will all seek to know this Jesus, who died
for you and me, through praying the Rosary too and persevering in the prayers.
By asking His Mother to reveal her son and meditating on the
Passion of Jesus we know Jesus better and are transformed by His love. Especially
during Lent, when we are turning from our sins, which crucify Jesus, and preparing
for the joy of Easter.
The selfless love of God could not be made more apparent
than it was in the moments when Jesus was hanging on the cross, dying.
Go to Him now to know His love for you. Mary will help you.
Go to Him now to know His love for you. Mary will help you.
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